help me understand

i consider myself an intelligent person who can, for the most part, read people pretty well. there are, however, cetain exceptions. take this one person, for example: we'll call him bill. i met bill through some friends about 2.5 years ago (i guess). bill and i have flirted every time we've seen each other (which is not too often), but he's never asked me out. bill has asked me many times (i.e. every time we see each other) if i'm dating someone, and we've had some conversations that would lead the average girl (which i know i am not) to think that he's interested in her. i have never assumed that he feels that way about me (A. b/c i'm not like that, and B. b/c i think i know his type). but clearly there is some attraction between us (give me a little credit here). my question is this: does he know what message he is sending, or could he really be that clueless? based on my limited knowledge of him and his (at times) seeming lack of self-confidence, i would guess the latter. but help me out...could it all be his way of getting the girls? i have heard that this guy has girls fall all over him and even get their hearts broken, and while i see an initial draw (he is fun to flirt with), i don't understand these girls who don't see though his crap. what is it about him? are we women that stupid???

that's it...that's my whole point (or non-point): i don't get it. little help here...anyone, anyone?

egotistical or selfish?

i was having a conversation the other day with one of my students' father, and since we are both baseball fans, the subject naturally turned to my astros. now this is a man who has coached 2 little league teams to the little league world series in the last 2 years (i think they may have won in 2004), so he knows his stuff. anyway, the subject turned to lidge and our (the city's) expectations of him. it is my very humble opinion that he is not a god, and he will always be capable of making mistakes. if we as fans put him on a pedestal, he will without a doubt come crashing down from it and disappoint us (translation: if he is not perfect, we as a city are in danger of turning on him and ripping him a new you-know-what). it happened last year after the pujols homer, and i know there were fans who started out this year doubting him based on that alone. anyway, i am happy thinking that he is simply a ballplayer who has been blessed with the gift of a thunderbolt for a right arm (anyone get that movie reference?), which could be TAKEN AWAY at any time.

so jim was talking about how he didn't think lidge's stuff was as good (consistent) as last year, and the conversation turned to a similar situation with billy wagner a few years back. so from there, i gave my opinion of billy wagner, which, for those of you who don't know me, is not very high. i liked him until he demanded $8 million a year (and my “boyfriend” and bagwell actually restructured their contracts and took pay cuts to make this happen). my family and i calculated it one time, and it was something RIDICULOUS like thousands of dollars per pitch. anyway, this led to talk of roger clemens and what i thought of him. in order to do that, we have to go back a few years...

i have no idea what year it was, but i know the last straw for me regarding clemens (pre-astros) was when he stormed the plate after hitting a batter one year (manny ramirez maybe??). i saw ol’ rog hit too many batters in his career with the yankees, and i was not a fan at all when we "purchased" him in 2004. when we got him, i was not nearly as fired up as most of the city just b/c i didn't care for him; HOWEVER, i was willing to give the guy a chance b/c this city (as well as some other texas cities) has been known to bring out the best in players and their attitudes (just look at rodman in san antonio...he wasn't nearly the thug in sa that he was elsewhere). so i watched, and i waited, and lo and behold, rocket seemed to get it done on the field without any major outbursts (kudos to him). but then last year he pissed me off again...

now for the relevance of the blog title: is he egotistical or selfish? in other words, does he really believe that he DESERVES $18 mill for pitching 35 games (maybe) a year and not traveling with the team (egotistical), OR does he really just want that much money for no reason other than to have that much money (selfish)? (side note: i secretly wondered if having the lowest ERA and never winning last year wasn’t some sort of punishment for clemens’ actions). i heard once last year that he wanted that much money just so he could make more than pedro martinez, who had just signed a huge contract. if that’s true, i’m leaning toward egotistical. and then there’s this year’s drama…

if it’s possible, i have zero respect for this man (who IS absolutely an amazing ballplayer...i'm smart enough not to argue that point). now that he’s faked retirement and come oh-so-close to another world series ring with the astros, he’s playing another game: the power trip. what I want to know is why are the astros playing it with him??? um correct me if i’m wrong, but i think we’ve shown over the last few weeks that we can hold our own without him. i say don’t stoop to his level. i believe that our ball club has more class than to deal with him and his crap (wishful thinking perhaps??).

egotistical, selfish…how about just an ass?

my "boyfriend"...an 18-year crush

well, as many of you know, i am OBSESSED with baseball (in general), the astros (more specifically), and biggio (most importantly). in my close circle of friends (as well as in my classroom), he's affectionately referred to as "my boyfriend."

when i was in high school, one of my friends' dad was one of the astros' coaches, and i basically lived at the astrodome during the summers. i actually had many a dinner with people like tommy lasorda and ken caminiti (in fact, i was at caminiti's house the day he and his wife brought home their oldest daughter from the hospital). the funniest thing for me was that while i recognized the fact that he was an amazing ballplayer, i was overwhelmed by his stupidity off the field (my dad and i have many jokes about him), so i didn't think it was a big deal that i was around him all the time (plus i have never been one to be star-struck). anyway, i digress...

i used to have a very innocent crush on billy doran (pre-biggio 2nd baseman). then when i was 15 this guy came up. he was only 22 at the time, and he was really hot (with a baby face). his name was craig biggio, and he was the new catcher...and i wanted to meet him.

well, one night after a game, i was hanging out outside the clubhouse with my friends stephanie and mary grace waiting on matt (mary grace's dad) and paul (her brother). well, they walked out with biggio, and matt introduced him to steph and me...and he said hi to us and then KISSSED ME ON THE CHEEK. hello! i felt like marsha on the brady bunch episode where desi arnaz jr. kisses her, and she'll "never wash this cheek again". steph was pissed b/c she just got a "hi" and i got a kiss. (see, even then, i was more appealing to guys from up north...he's from ny/nj).

anyway, that was the beginning of my obsession with "my boyfriend", and the longest crush of my life. not to mention the fact that he's an incredible baseball player who is so much fun to watch. we used to call him pigpen b/c he'd always get so dirty at games.

and while in my close circle of friends, we say that berkman "loves baseball :)", the biggest lover of baseball in my book is the guy who at 40 still plays like he's 15. friday night, he scored all 3 of the astros runs. in last night's game, he hit a single, a double, and a homerun. and today, he was 4 for 4 with a dinger (i think, i missed some of the game while i was in the car...because my antenna is screwed and i can't get am stations without holding my arm outside the window and pointing the antenna in different directions. yes, i am bordering on white trash, i know). the point is, biggio's amazing! i swear he's getting better and more fun to watch every year...i love "my boyfriend"!

the church version of "what's your sign?"

so i was at a party last weekend with a bunch of church singles, and i was asked this question several times: "hi, what class are you in?" (for all you non-church-going heathens, that means what sunday school class.) side note: this is one of the reasons it is difficult for me to socialize with church singles (b/c some of them are socially awkward and have very little confidence) and one of the reasons i think the rest of the world is quickly put off by christians, but that's a WHOLE other blog topic (see 'ps' at bottom).

i must admit, the first time it was okay. my response all night was, "i'm not really in a class. i'm too non-committal." i thought it was a cute and fairly honest answer to a question that quickly became irritating. then i began to wonder why it bothered me so much (beyond my basic irritation with small talk). then i figured it out! it's the church version of the old cheesy bar entry lines: "hey, what's your sign?" or "are you a model?"

now guys, before you get all upset, i am aware that it takes confidence to walk up to a girl out of nowhere and start talking, and just beginning conversation with a stranger (especially a female one) is a very scary thing. but maybe there should be a book for guys on opening lines (specifically which ones NOT to use). lemme tell you, you can turn a girl off much more easily with an awkward overused opening line that is obviously just small talk than with something that may be awkward but is straight from the heart/honest. even if you use a cheesy opening line but you do it with humor and flare, you may be able to get away with it b/c it reveals part of your personality. but just some random opening line that says nothing about you? it actually says volumes about you, and all boring.

wow, brutally honest. is it any wonder why i'm single?? why would anyone ever come talk to me? hmmmm, maybe that's why i get more attention in foreign countries and up north. hehehe...

ps...no offense meant to anyone who was at the afforementioned party and used that intro line, although no one i know (ie, who knows me) who reads this should be offended.

"those" mirrors

ok, i finally caved. i got a blog. i'm officially one of the followers who hopped on the bandwagon that i hate so much. and i'm dealing...so far without medication ;)
i'm posting some things on here that i originally posted on myspace...

sometimes my friends and i see people and comment, "s/he's got one of those mirrors."

have you ever been out somewhere, and you see someone and wonder what the hell they were thinking when they walked out of the house? sometimes it's an "outfit" that's entirely too small; sometimes it's an older person who's in denial and thinks he/she is still 18; sometimes it's a really bad hairstyle. whatever it is, i wonder if they look at themselves in a mirror and think "hmmm, i look goooooood"?

do these people have some crazy-ass mirror that makes them look like they weigh 100 lbs, or are 20 years younger, or whatever?? i don't know about you, but if i had a girl friend who was a little overweight and she was wearing a skirt that was way too short with a tank top (with bra straps showing) that was way too tight, i would slap her, and then make her change. i would never allow her to go out in public looking that way. and if i had a guy friend whose pants were too short, or who was wearing jean shorts, i'd say something. who are these people's friends?

one time i was completely caught off guard in the post office (you can see some really colorful stuff there). there was a woman waiting in line with the WORST "hairstyle" i've ever seen! she had really curly hair (little tight curls, not like mine). it was really short on the top (like that's not bad enough in itself), and it was long in the back...like a mullet, but not...worse (and i know you think that's impossible). it begged the question: who would cut someone else's hair like that? i would never want my work to be advertised like that on someone...talk about bad for business!

so back to the original questions: do these people not have friends, and is there some crazy mirror being sold out there that we need to destroy? worth looking into...